WHAT IS DISCOVERY DATING?

Each student who participates in a Discovery Dating class receives a Discovery Dating Kit.  They learn healthy relationship development skills and have the tools to rely on rather than solely going on the tingly feelings of attraction, which eventually pass. Discovery Dating is an innovative relationship development tool. Values, character traits, and behaviors that constitute a solid foundation for a secure, peaceful and goal driven relationship are detailed via 36 two-sided Flash Cards. Each card addresses a different philosophical or behavioral consideration or circumstance.  Students are taught that each card has "things to think about" on one side and "things to think twice about" on the other side, prompting the reader to look at both positive and more complicated aspects of each issue.  The issues on the cards are arranged in a pyramid, placing the surface (early contact) issues such as "age" and "job" at the bottom.  Above that are deeper issues, such as "Ability to Change", "Motivation", and "Money".  The uppermost rows address intimate issues like "Marriage", "Beliefs", and "Love."  The very last issue on the pyramid is "sex".  The "Sex" card is placed as the very last card; it is deliberately placed after all other issues are explored, considered and resolved.  It appears after the "Marriage" cards.

For an example, the "job, life's work" card, for instance, has two sides, one side lists things like: ,"How long has he/she had this job?", "Does he/she enjoy their work?", "Does this job have good benefits?", "Possibility for promotion?" etc.; the other side of that same card has examples of "things to think twice about", like: "unemployed?", "for how long", "how many different jobs has he/she had?", "what are the plans for work?" and so on. 

Discovery Dating differentiates between "surface issues", "deeper issues" and "intimate issues", indicating a logical progression in learning about people. It demonstrates a method of protecting one's own life from permanent harm by carefully examining how the values and behaviors of the other person can affect him/her far beyond the time of having fun together.

One important emphasis in the program is the use of mentors.  There are opportunities to choose effective mentors and to have fun learning and practicing the Discovery Dating process with the mentors.  Ten script-dates are provided for practice, allowing mentor and mentee to use hypothetical situations (rendering the learning process non-threatening).  Students enjoy sharing these pretend situations with their mentors and quickly become very discriminating in their observations.  Over time, such practice will develop the young persons' ability to screen information about the people they choose to be their friends or mates with greater discrimination. This will increase their ability to attain safe, pleasant and constructive relationships and feel good about their power to do so. 

The process works by looking at the cards after each encounter with the person of interest.  Decide which issues you learned about from this encounter.  Read both sides of each of the issues and (on the Diary Sheet); write down what you learned about the person this time.  Continue to do this throughout time after every encounter.  When you believe that you have learned all there is to know about the person in a specific issue, one example could be "Age."  Once you know a person to a certain extent, you will know the person's age.  At this point, the "Age" issue on the Diary Sheet should/could have a number (the persons age in years), a date (the person's birthday), and some comment about how well that person's age matches with your own age (same age as me, two years older than me, etc.).  At this point, once you have all the information about that issue, it is time to continue on with the process by coloring that issue on the Pyramid Sheet.  This is done by deciding for yourself whether the age of this person is just right (color green), a bit of a caution (color yellow) or too old or young (color red).  It is important to remember that you should be confident that you know as much as possible about any issue before you color in the period.  In keeping with our example of "Age", if this relationship is an internet relationship, for example, and all you have to go on is what the person told you in writing, or pictures over the internet, it is good to keep in mind that you don't actually know the person's age, because you have not seen the person, so it would not be appropriate to color the pyramid block in this instance at this time.   Keep making notes in the Diary Pages after each encounter.  It may take months or even years to completely know enough about every issue on the Diary Sheet.

At any given point in this process, you can look at the Pyramid Sheet and see exactly what you know about the person (and what you don't know), and whether those issues you know about are "just right," "caution" or "red flag" issues.  You will be able to trust this Pyramid, because you have done the homework on this person and their relationship with you and your goals for life.  The pyramid shape provides a clear illustration of a solid, stable foundation for a relationship.  When the pyramid is upturned, it shows how unstable a relationship is when sexuality is the foundation of the relationship.

Discovery Dating clarifies the transient, impulsive nature of "feelings" and "opportunity" and how decisions that are based on "feelings" or "opportunity" may not reliably sustain a relationship. Teaching young people to assess their "date", "friend" or "other named partner" by their character attributes, behaviors and life views empowers them with relationship building skill.  They will know how to detect relevant facts.  They will possess the tools to "reason" with their own impulsive feelings and determine the suitability of a person for a sustainable relationship.  They will understand that they may be risking everything they have.

 Discovery Dating^© * Wise Women Gathering Place * 2482 Babcock Rd * Green Bay, WI 54313 * 920-490-0627 * info at discoverydating.com