DISCOVERY DATING & ABSTINENCE

What's so important about Abstinence?

We do not teach what to do if a person decides not to be abstinent.  We concentrate our efforts on supporting an abstinence decision and how to accomplish that.  If a student asks about information about protective techniques for sexual contact, we can refer them to the school nurse or to community organizations who can help them in that regard.  We believe that it is not possible to teach a clear communication about what abstinence is, how to decide what is right for them, how to assert their own will and what they can do with their lives while they are abstinent, if we are saying, "the best choice is abstinence, BUT, if you decide to have sex, here's how you can be safer'.  That is a double message and it is not informed choice.  There is no danger in abstinence.  There is plenty of danger in having sex before marriage or self-sufficiency.  We teach abstinence.  It is Wise Women Gathering Place's belief that "so-called safer sex" is a totally different subject and if it is to be taught to children at all it needs to be taught by a different teacher in a different setting.  That way the true difference is established.  That way we are less likely to tread on a young person's innocence.  If we suggest, by our act of teaching, that they can't be expected to remain abstinent, that in itself, is a message.  That in itself indicates an expectation or lack of confidence in their ability to remain abstinent.

There is an attitude in society today that implies that young beautiful desirable people are, as a matter of course, going to be sexually active.  We say that subliminally through teaching every pre-adolescent and every adolescent how to use a condom.  We say that overtly through music, clothing, movies, television, magazines and advertisement.  Even as adults, we say it to our children directly.  We say things like, "wait until you find your true love" or "no glove, no love" or "don't get pregnant".  We do say things like that to our children; parents and other loving adults say that to their kids.  We need to switch our language and risk our own sense of insecurity and say what we mean.  "Please, I don't want or expect you to have sex.  You are a student and you need to do things that enhance your education, you need to have fun that won't hurt you.  Please do not decide to be sexually active with someone."  If we say those things and then follow up with the "but, if you do…" message we have just destroyed the clarity for them.  We have said either/or to them and that is an indication that we believe that the choices are equal.  Abstinence and Safer Sex are not equal.  Abstinence is a safe choice.  Safer Sex is filled with danger.  Even for those who use condoms and don't get pregnant or a disease, there are still those other unplanned consequences of disappointment, rejection, lowered self-esteem.  There is emerging evidence that tells us that people who have sex at a young age mostly eventually have sex with several different partners in their lifetime, rarely do they stay together for life.  There is research that shows that married couples who waited to have sex had a more satisfying sex life than couples who had been sexual with multiple partners before marriage.  The key was the commitment.   People who live together with no commitment have less success in life-long relationship. 

Wow, looks like some amazing results. Nothing [I reviewed] strikes me as having validity problems.  I want to commend you on evaluating this project, far too many people have negative connotations about evaluation and lose out on the power of statistics to sustain effective programs. - OBC, Epidemiologist who reviewed the results of the CBAC Abstinence program evaluation

Sex, by its very nature is a bonding experience.  It doesn't make sense that we should teach or accommodate thinking that it is natural to have sex young and move from one sexual relationship to another to another.  Look at foster kids.  They get bounced around from home to home, what happens to their ability to bond?  It becomes more and more difficult until finally, they just end up coping with their latest pseudo-family with no expectation.  That is really sad.  We are creating a society without connectedness, one without caring and one without compassion for one another and this business of accepting "casual sex" as a norm is a big part of that. 

Wise Women Gathering Place is unique in that we had a very intense dosage with the students.  We were in the classroom twice a week for about 72-78 sessions with our 8^th grade students.  Compound that with High school clubs, Native DREAMS summer camp, a mentor component, PSAs and other community activities and you will see that Wise Women Gathering Place has reached a lot of people many times over the years of continual outreach.

Another unique factor is Discovery Dating.  It is our core component to the program.  It helps the students develop their skills in their decision-making when it comes to having a healthy relationship.

 Discovery Dating^© * Wise Women Gathering Place * 2482 Babcock Rd * Green Bay, WI 54313 * 920-490-0627 * info at discoverydating.com